low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
