She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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