I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
