I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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