i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
