i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
