That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
