I got chris browned last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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