First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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