Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
