Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
