Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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