At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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