I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
