If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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