Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
