Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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