so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
