I wish I could punch you in the face.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
