It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
