Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
