Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drake has all the answers
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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