I think I am morally bankrupt
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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