i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
