im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
