you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
