So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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