Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You may now shotgun with the bride
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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