Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
