I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
