FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
