I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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