Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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