I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
