She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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