I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
