I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
