First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
