I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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