Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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