he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
