just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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