I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
