I'm going to jail i love you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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