it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
either way he was missing a nipple.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
