google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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