We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
