is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
