I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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