After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
