I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
