Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
