Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
