I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
