haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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