shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
