I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
