This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
