Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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